That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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