I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
