last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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