I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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