he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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