I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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