its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize