i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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