Who wears a wallet chain?!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
