I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
