I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
