You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
