I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
