fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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