I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
