Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We are two peas in an std pod
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
