You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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