wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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