her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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