as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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