we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
