Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
