Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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