sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The best revenge is premature balding
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
