I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
