If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
