Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
