I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
