He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize