Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wear drunk well.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
