My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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