note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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