I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
