no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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