fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
