i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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