pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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