I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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