At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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