I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
