I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
