I CAN MOONWALK!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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