You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Panties = found
Randomize
