I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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