kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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