I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green