Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
