two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
