she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
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Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.