On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.