i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.