He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Canadian or clown?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
did i just pee glitter
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.