We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??