i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
