Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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