Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
