i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
