My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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