enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
