i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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