turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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